Avoid The Eyes
by Dr.Crane's Sparrow
Summary: What if instead of dieing the thing that makes us human stays behind. The thoughts and memories of being human, stuck in the body of a hungry monster with a one way view of the outside world. As time goes on the thing begins to fade but sometimes they are killed, a second time, before it does. From the mind of a Walker. A what if... What if we were prisoners in ourselves.


_A/N I would like to point out before you read time lapses between each sentence since she no longer has a sense of time she just is._

Everyone of us thinks that we become nothing when we change. That we are just dead. Well here I am, alive inside. A prisoner of this world just wishing to be free even to be damned to hell. Anything but this, absolutely anything.

When my eyes first opened after my death I was overjoyed. I survived! I was alive, immune, hopefully a way to help the world; however, my body did not move as I tried to make it. My eyes swished from side to side on their own. A sound made my head snap around to the left. The movement was quick and made me dizzy. I tried to scream but it was caught in my own mind. I was stuck in the body of a walker. I was going to suffer for this.

How I thought of my mother at a time like this. Her smile and laugh. My fathers great and powerful voice. My baby sisters wail. I could still hear it. She was near. My body stood and walked to the left. There was a door in my way. Hunger raged my host as it banged bloody hands on the doors. I watched nails peel off of fingers. I would have winced if I could have but I felt no pain, only the remembrance of it. A voice was inside. My host turned it's ear not comprehending what it was but knew it meant food. I understood it, "She is dead Mary, we have to go, listen." My host growled at my father's voice and banged it's head against the wood. With a splintering sound I felt panic, or what was left of feeling.

As I sat in my own mind in thought I realized my emotions no longer hit me like they used to. They were still there but no longer a physical piece of me. I would have cried if I could. My host growled loudly as I looked through it's eyes. It was past the door but no one was there and it was dark. How long was I away? Could I just sink into memories of myself until I finally die... again? Was this truly a blessing dressed in rotting skin and despair. Watching the television of my memories and family until the plug is pulled and I fall into darkness?

Something roused me from my thoughts. A sound pulled my host away again. It walked dragging feet as blond hair started to fall in front of it's face. It was an it now. No longer me anymore. I was inside still but no longer me. My host met another walker's eyes. Just behind the grey I could see him stuck in his own body. The spark of life that made him human was still inside. Was he stuck in memories or still in the sick knowledge that this was the immortality humanity had always wanted. A ,be careful of what you wish for, moment in our hellish history. His head turned as his host gnashed it's teeth. Skin hung from his jaw as infected blood no longer ran from his body... from his host.

That sounded better now that I was one of them. Being an 'IT' made it an insult now. A Walker was no better since I tried to keep a vision of myself as vein as possible now a days. How many days had it been? The sun was high again and my host stood still. I was no longer in the city. A bird's song woke the host as it looked up. I could see the beautiful blue bird flap it's wings against the cold weather. I dove back into my own muddled memories. Stacking them in a way I enjoyed as if I were in a private library. Loosing myself between fiction and fact my own self was pulled and pushed from my own remembrance. In a sick way, I was dieing a second time before the third. I was slowly loosing myself. I felt no emotion; however, I remember what it was. How I SHOULD feel, but I don't do a lot of things I did when I was living anyway.

Some word's didn't mean anything to me anymore anyway. Funny... the word meant nothing. I don't even remember why we used it. Vampires were they real or not? Everything was becoming jumbled and confused. Everything a mess. Now I remember Sorrow. The feeling choked up my rotting host. I could actually feel it again. The harsh beating against my heart that latched onto the rest of my body and made me shiver. Not to the full extent of course but I could FEEL it... or was that just a memory... I don't remember anymore.

Lately I just watch the world from my host's eyes. We have walked very far now and killed so many making them like us. Monsters hungry for flesh. Sometimes I bring things to it's attention for something more to look at then a white wall. We watched one once for nearly ten light times. I forget what they were called now. It is light now and we walk to the pack like us. More hungry. The clang clang clang of something brings us near. I find my host at the front after three light times. We see them. Three living killing the others.

Hope starts to bring fire into the hosts cold limbs. I could escape from this hell. Not like other times where we killed them before they killed us. My host growled with hunger but I growled for freedom. I could see the man bringing a pipe to my host's head. PLEASE! PLEASE KILL ME! As the metal came closer I felt my overwhelming joy coming out. I controlled my arms as they let go of the fence and I controlled my legs as they stopped. I controlled my body for one last time as my joy took the reigns of my host, my body, my life. Fact and fiction let go of one another as I watched myself being reborn before my own eyes. I felt the pain of the pole piercing my skin before...

* * *

Rick stopped for just a moment. He had seen it hundreds of times before in the eyes of the Walkers, a reason he tried to avoid their eyes lately, a flash of something before he struck them away. She was so strange. He watched the decaying body drop as the smile disappeared from it's face. She had stopped and smiled at him. Her eyes flashed and a smile came just as he struck her true. The dead blond girl lay in a heap of bloated skin with eyes staring straight ahead. He shook it off. The Walker was most likely just growling at it's food was all. He brought the pole through the head of a young black boy but avoided the eyes. He always avoided the eyes.


End file.
